Discomfort is Not Trauma

I have been thinking a lot recently about the level of fluffy comfort society in general feels entitled to. We may not buy into the blatant forms of self-expression and self-worship that plague our society, but bits and pieces of it trickle into our minds unaware, filtered through the Christianized lens of “processing my feelings.” We are obsessed with understanding ourselves, being emotionally aware, and understanding our “triggers” so that we can avoid anything that might make us feel uncomfortable. 

I’m not saying that self-reflection is always wrong, sometimes it is good and necessary, but I believe that today’s emphasis on it is worthy of caution. If our introspection does not lead us straight to Jesus, if it does not conform us more into the image of Christ, we are neither growing nor healing, we are idolizing our own emotions.  This is not God-centered wisdom, it is self-centred fragility. 

How much better it is then, to glance at our feelings and gaze on our Saviour,  than to glance at the Saviour and gaze on our feelings!

The world would have us believe that discomfort equals “triggered,” that every hardship leaves us traumatized and in need of counselling, and every expectation placed on us, too difficult to endure with grace. 

Listen friends, unlike the apparent persuasion of the disgruntled monkey my daughter sketched recently, discomfort is not trauma. 

Did someone say something that hurt you? You are offended not traumatized. 

Have people disappointed you? You are disillusioned not damaged. 

Stop calling your petty hurts, “trauma.” When you do this, every variable becomes a reason to play victim. It also minimizes the deep pain of actual trauma. It’s like Freddy stubbing his toe and yelling, “I broke my leg!” to Frank who just fell out of a tree and is writhing on the ground with an actual broken leg. Unfortunately, real trauma exists in our broken world, but with a nod to my southern childhood, can I just say, “Honey, your hurt feelin’s ain’t it.”

An entire generation obsessed with identifying their triggers is a generation hyper-focussed on avoiding anything that might make them uncomfortable. 

Self-discipline, self-control, endurance, obedience, perseverance… these virtues have been discarded one trigger at a time, because we have forgotten that we are soldiers for Christ, not worshippers of our own comfort. 

The thing is, growth doesn’t come bubble wrapped, it comes when we surrender to being conformed into the image of Christ (Romans 8:29) leaving our propensity for self-preservation behind. 

Our pain dare not become our authority, just as our emotions dare not become our compass.  

While the Bible does not trivialize pain and sorrow, neither does it teach us to cling to our pain and build our identity around the things that hurt us. It does not call us victims, it calls us conquerers through Christ.. (Romans 8:37) When our pain is the thing we focus on most, it becomes our identity and we cannot find our identity in both Christ and our self-proclaimed trauma. 

If we train our children to avoid hard things instead of trusting God through them, we are preparing them, not for faithfulness but for spiritual collapse. 

If we tiptoe around their “triggers” instead of helping them acknowledge their pain and offer forgiveness to the ones who hurt them, we are preparing them, not for endurance, but for avoidance. 

If we jump in to rescue them each time they are hurt, offended or disillusioned, we are preparing them, not for valiant resolution and personal growth, but for victimized snivelling and cowardly lethargy. 

Our season of discomfort, of being misunderstood- perhaps even slandered, is not the same thing as trauma.

Discipling our children into wholeness is about showing them by example that our faith, not our feelings define us. That even our hardest times are opportunities to anchor our hearts in Christ and allow Him to shape us into people who worship Him and not our own emotions.

May we, as Christians, pick up the sword of the Spirit and fight against the enemy of our souls who would have us wallowing in self-pity, forgetting to lift our faces to the One who is glory and beauty and strength. May the loveliest of stories begin today, all because you let go of self-pity, and of the expectation that life should be kind to you.

Get out there and show the world how to overcome darkness with the light of Jesus. Let them see His glory through His overcoming people.

A Mile with Self-Pity 

One cloudy day I walked a mile, Self-Pity by my side,  

Her form seemed draped in gentle care, her vestige kind, and I 

felt understood at last, and thus disclosed my wretchedness. 

Self-Pity dripping sympathy, legitimized the bitterness 

that festered in my soul and there-with poisoned all my mind. 

The clouds grew thick and lightening flashed, the road on which we walked abreast 

at once appeared to soothe my plight, and yet t’was treacherous 

with rocks that tripped my feet, and still we talked of grievance toward

the ones that had offended me. Indeed it seemed, that all the world 

had quite conspired against my lot; unjust, unfair, unkind.

Then through this self inflicted gloom, I saw Wisdom drawing nigh. 

She nodded gravely, swung her light, and would have passed me by 

had I not cried out, “Lady Wisdom, share your light, for Io 

I cannot see beyond this gloom, obscuring path and peril, both.”

Wisdom smiled, but firmly said,,“Self-Pity cannot walk with me.” 

 “I need your light,” I blushed and turning, cried, “Self-Pity, go- begone!

For I have walked with you and found no help to move beyond 

my introspective wallowing. It’s true that it felt good 

to be the victim for a time, to feel completely understood,

But save me Lady Wisdom from Self-Pity’s falsities.” 

Wisdom took my hand and led away from mind benumbing gloom;

Self-Pity shrank into the mist, no longer beautiful, her form 

seemed swathed in treachery and I saw not as friend but as

she truly was, her visage scarred and then, I knew the lies

from which I had been rescued were the soul of Self-Pity. 

I clung to  Wisdom all the more and I found to my relief

that all her ways were pleasantness and all her paths were peace; 

I had assumed her harsh, but found she spoke with kindly grace

of love and truth’s affinity. Her greatest gift to me was this

she led me from Self-Pity’s gloom and took me straight to God.

Run to God my friends. He is the answer.

Love, ~Lynn