The Essence of Rest

  There are an increasing number of voices encouraging women to make time for self-care and, in Christian circles, intentional days of Sabbath-rest.  While some of the rhetoric is clearly self-centred, other bits and pieces have stirred me to ask,  “What is self-care? Is it a good thing? And if it is, why the hesitancy in my spirit? Is there a difference between soul-care and self-care?” 

   While I do not presume to be an authority on this multifaceted subject,  I’d love to share some of the things the Lord spoke to me as I wrestled with these questions.  

Self-Care Consumes

  The focal point of self-care is self centred. It is about me. How I feel, what I can handle, how much I can give without personal pain…  Self-care is the selfish assumption that I cannot do life without getting a break. I need bubble baths, coffee shop dates with friends, downtime, etc. if I am expected to function like a sane woman. Obviously there is no condemnation in enjoying these gifts, but we do not need them to live well. What we need is the renewing of our spirits through Jesus Christ. 

  The lovely extras? These are gifts given us by a good God who knows our frame and understands the womanly part of us that delights in beauty and connection. 

Soul-Care Contributes

   Soul-care is intentionally creating a lifestyle that fills our mind and emotions with beauty and abundance ready to spill out on others. It is caring for our spiritual, mental and bodily needs with purpose. 

  We can be intentional about creating space to rest, while remaining open-handed and open-minded to situations and people who upset our well-ordered life because God’s glory is our focus, not our own feelings. Setting aside specific times of Sabbath rest is not about rigidity and a self-centred existence; It is about encouraging a lifestyle that is sustainable in the long term of ministry.

  To the naked eye, caring for our souls may look much the same as self-care, but the motives driving our actions are polar opposites. Focussing on self-care generates a cozy bubble of self-centred existence at the expense of others. Soul-care is about intentionally creating space for rest and refreshment to the purpose of expending oneself for others. 

Surrender, the Essence of Rest

   The goal of self-care speeches, intentional Sabbath days, and the idea behind soul-care is one and the same; it is the search for rest in a world dominated by stress and technology.  

  Several years ago, after learning more about the correlation between elevated cortisol levels and my then-current lifestyle, I decided something needed to change. I knew I needed less stress and more sleep, and thus found myself putting copious amounts of effort into creating time to relax, only to feel miserably that I was generating stress instead of rest. Physical rest doesn’t pair easily with special needs parenting, and if I’m stressing because The Big Man (as we affectionately call him) is wide awake at 11:38 pm, I am escalating the lack of rest rather than finding it. 

  Not everyone’s story is the same; not all of us are Special Needs Moms, but if we find ourselves resenting, rather than embracing the hard thing staring us in the face, then we know nothing of the soul-deep rest of surrender.  

  Physical rest is important. 

  Emotional health is a real thing. 

  But true rest of the soul is found in the quietness of a thankful heart at peace with Jesus and whatever situations life throws its way. 

It is the surrendering of our reality to the sovereignty of God. 

It is living in the life-giving presence of the One who is strength to my weakness, fullness to my need, and glory to my mundane. 

And sometimes it is as quiet as His still, small voice saying, “Well done, good and faithful one” at the close of a particularly difficult day. 

  This is not to downplay our basic need for rest and refreshment, but rather to encourage us that our souls can rest in God’s sovereign goodness during the most intense seasons. When creating space for quiet sabbaths and rhythms of reflection are out of our control, God’s grace carries us in our weariness and causes our spirits to rejoice. 

Those who look to {the Lord} are radiant… oh taste and see that the Lord is good! Ps. 34

Taking Responsibility 

  There is a distinct difference between joy, and the happiness we feel on an emotional level. Joy is a supernatural element of the Spirit, carrying us through the deepest, darkest of valleys, while happiness is the emotional state of a well-fed soul. For this, our happiness, we must take personal responsibility. 

  When our children were younger and Dustin’s needs much more intense, it was not uncommon for me to buckle my children into their carseats and drive into town for a cup of coffee. It would have been cheaper and possibly even tastier making coffee at home, but that wasn’t the point. The purpose behind the drive was preserving my mental faculties for the good of others.  And so we drove into town as slowly as was legal, breathing deeply, listening to worship music, taking back roads and stretching the 15 minute drive into 25. Initially, I felt guilty about these little jaunts but my husband kept encouraging me to change my mindset and use the time to recharge and refocus. Perhaps a stronger woman could have done the special-needs-kiddo thing without these sanity-saving drives, but for me, it was an intentional choice to take responsibility for my own mental health. I benefitted from these little breaks, my husband and children benefitted, and in the longterm ripple effect, even the church benefitted because my pastor husband wasn’t tied down trying to make his wife happy.   

  Creatively finding ways to care for our physical, spiritual and emotional needs is never selfish if the ultimate goal is to become well-rounded, healthy individuals, better equipped to serve God and others. 

This article was originally printed in the “Seasons of Sabbath” issue of Commonplace.)

https://daughters-of-promise.org/products/seasons-of-sabbath)