A word of acknowledgement.— The basis for this article; the concept that wholesome femininity is both soft and strong sparked my interest after reading a blog post written by my cousin Sara. Y’all, if anyone has ever had the “right” to become hardened and cynical, or lost in a smog of self-pity and despair, it would be Sara, yet by God’s grace she has allowed the pain in her life to make her more beautiful, more womanly, and stronger than ever before. She is a beautiful example to me of someone who has walked through unimaginable pain with both strength and gentle grace.

Read her article here. https://sara-daigle.org/2026/04/21/soft-and-strong-in-proverbs-31/

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It is an unfortunate fact that we live in a world that celebrates domineering women while simultaneously scorning strong leadership in men. While I acknowledge that many cultures and historical people groups have devalued women in general, I believe an honest look at Biblical femininity not only frees us to celebrate the graces of womanhood, but also allows us to embrace the masculinity and Godly leadership of real men.

It is time for Christian women everywhere to define and celebrate Biblical femininity. It can be difficult to retain space for feminine softness when life gets really tough and demands more of us than we feel capable of giving, yet I know how that lack of softness can distance us from our feminine identity and eventually even from our husbands (if we are married) when we need him most.

The Lord brought this to my attention a number of years ago when life was really, really hard. My husband was dealing with heavy things at work and ministry, and I didn’t want to burden him further, so I did what I do naturally; I pushed through the hard things, alone. It was okay for a while, but eventually I felt myself hardening around the edges. I had less patience for other people and their seemingly insignificant troubles. Empathy for others dealing with anything less than the level of my own difficulties seemed to float just out of reach, effectively eluding my grasp. It scared me.

It also brought me to my knees as I allowed the Holy Spirit to open my heart to things I was getting wrong. I asked the Lord to make me soft again; to help me keep the grit and strength I needed, but this time, while also retaining grace and womanly softness.

So how do we live this precarious balance between being soft and strong?

Let’s dive into it, shall we?

We know that strength is generally attributed to the physical variety, and while it certainly can be ascribed to muscular power, there is so much more to strength than tough brawn. Strength is about durability. It is about being enduring and resilient. It is worthy of note that being a strong woman is not the same thing as being a domineering woman. It simply means you’ve got some steel in your backbone that keeps you from crumbling to pieces when life gets hard. 

Maybe the word ‘soft” conjures all manner of fluffy images in your mind, but I’m here to tell you that feminine softness is so much more than puttering about in our lovely houses, feet shod in cozy slippers and tea in hand. Softness is allowing the femininity God created us with to colour the world a bit brighter. To nurture all that is good and put a smile of delight on someone’s face. To create beauty, to live beauty, to draw from the beauty God already created and made us caretakers of. 

Soft and strong in harmonious femininity.

Judges 4-5 tells the story of just such a woman. Deborah was placed in the awkward position of needing to lead out in a man’s world. Up until Deborah there is no mention of any woman being called upon to judge the nation of Israel, and there is no record of it ever occurring again. Judges 4 is the story of a women who was;

• decisive without being domineering (when forced into a leadership position traditionally held by men, she was remained careful to not usurp authority above what had been given her by God) 
• truthful without being taciturn (she told Barak the unvarnished truth, starkly devoid of either apology or annoyance) 
• deferential without being a door mat (she deferred to Barak, and yet when he refused to lead, she made it very clear to him that he would go down in history as a coward) 
• brave and bold without being brash (she ordered Barak to get moving, yet without condescension. She merely asked him a question that set the narrative straight once again, “Does not the Lord go before you?”)

Deborah knew the source of her strength. She wasn’t leading by grit alone, she was relying heavily on the strength of God to live through her. And this, I believe is the secret to being both soft and strong. 

For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God?– the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentlest made me great. Psalm 18:31-35

God equips us with strength. (He does it!) 

He makes us confident and secure so we can run in treacherous places without harm.

He makes us strong so we can guide our homes and disciple our children in our husband’s absence. He prepares us to do battle against negative habits, passed down for generations, that are not honouring to God. He gives us power to control our temper, and strength to do the hard things that encourage healthy relationships, both in marriage and otherwise. 

There are times that we are pushed by necessity to take on more than we feel is possible, or perhaps even our responsibility. We somehow expect this of single women, and yet are blindsided when we wake up one day and find that marriage isn’t synonymous with being a passenger princess. 

Life isn’t always kind. Unexpected difficulties arise and while it is easier to face hard things together as a team, your husband will not always be available to shoulder the storm for you. Sometimes it is the dead of winter and he is 700 miles away in Churchill, MB, when the sump pump in the sewage tank decides to breathe its last. Sometimes he is still in Churchill when the dog slices his foot open and is spurting blood everywhere, and your daughter wakes up screaming in pain in the middle of the night.

Click on the link for the rest of this story. https://lynnkleinsasser.org/2026/06/28/jonah-days/

Sometimes he’s flying home from Colorado, expecting you to pick him up in North Dakota, but your vehicle tire blows and the elements-that-be drop two and half feet of snow on your driveway, and you don’t own a snowblower. 

What then?  Do you give up or rise to the need of the hour? 

Not everyone is physically able to do hard work, but all of us are capable of facing difficulty with courage and joy; choosing to fix our own problems rather than falling apart in a heap of miserable self-pity. This could mean that you will learn to change your own flat tire, or spend hours shovelling your driveway open, or it could mean that you will call someone and ask for help. Either way, you are using your strength wisely. 

Marriage is beautiful. Having a companion to do life with is wonderful, but if you are a wise woman, you will love your husband with an open hand even at the cost of personal sacrifice. Wisdom is smiling rather than blaming when he is unavailable to soothe your scratches and ease you through life’s bumps. As women it is up to us whether our husbands will spend their lives trying to keep us happy and emotionally stable, or whether they will be free to reach out to mentor more than just us, their wives. While it isn’t always easy to let our husbands go, I can testify that the rewards are heaped up and running over. And those are only the rewards we see here on earth. Imagine the eternal!

Soft and Strong. Two words that seem at odds with each other and yet both are an integral part of wise womanhood.

A Proverbs 31 woman is a strong woman. She knows how to make decisions on her own without allowing insecurity to render her useless, because her security is rooted in Christ Jesus, not in her husband. She governs herself well because Christ is at the helm, not her pet emotion of the day. A wise woman understands that not every thought and feeling needs to be unloaded on her overtired husband. 

She is strong. She is capable. She is brave. She is hard-working, and doesn’t expect other people to do her work for her. She studies the Scriptures and knows what she believes, rather than parroting her husband and expecting him to think for both of them. She can defend her faith in word and prayer. 

And yet, in all this strength, she retains an aura of feminine softness. She laughs often and is filled with wisdom and kindness. (Proverbs 31:25-26)

Maybe you, like me, naturally rise to the occasion of whatever life demands of you. If so, stay soft. When we, as women are called upon to be strong it is easy to lose the feminine softness that brings beauty and gentleness to the world. The poster board woman of the 40’s is suddenly more relatable and less laughable than it used to be. 

Maybe you are naturally soft and dependant on others (or your husband) to make the decisions, validate your purpose, do the thinking, and shoulder all the difficult tasks. If so, gird yourself with strength. Learn to reach to Jesus for courage, affirmation, and security. Be strong and of good courage. Learn to do hard things with grace, devoid of self-pity. 

The Lord urges us to be courageous warriors in His Kingdom. He is ever before us saying, “Be strong and courageous and do it. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God is with you…” 1 Chronicles 28:20 

A wise woman is a nurturer and a lover of beauty, so be feminine. Celebrate your womanly softness. Make life beautiful in all the ways you possibly can, but don’t let your softness render you useless in the fight against the principalities and powers of darkness. 

A wise woman not pitiful, fragile, easily shattered, or puny. She is a warrior. She makes herself capable, useful, and thankful, so be strong. Be courageous. Fight the good fight of faith with undaunted courage, but don’t allow your strength to hinder the softness that walks hand in hand with vulnerable honesty and feminine beauty. 

Stay soft and be strong. 

Wholesome Femininity